Please read...I would love to have your opinions...
My husband & I are deciding whether or not to have another baby. Our daughter has been asking for a little brother for quite some time and now she is going around telling people she is going to have a little brother. We have told her we are talking about it but right now she is not going to be getting a brother because I am not pregnant. At almost 4 years old, she understands that I do not have a baby in my belly and that's the best way to tell her.
Over the past several weeks, I have been wanting another child. Not quite sure why NOW but the urge is strong. Maybe it's because I secretly have wanted another one for a few years, maybe it is because everyone I know is having babies, maybe it is because I don't want KeKe growing up alone. Whatever it is, it is a strong feeling I have to have another one. I feel like we need this for our family, if that makes sense to ya. It's hard to describe how I feel.
My husband wants a boy really badly and we all know now that KeKe wants a brother. I am undecided. I would love to have a boy b/c I have always wanted a son but at the same time, I think it would be awesome for KeKe to have a little sister. I am the oldest of 5 total brothers/sisters & 1 step-brother. My parents had me and my brother Frank (we are almost 2 years apart), then after my parents separated and re-married, they each had another son & daughter with their new spouse. I grew up close to my brother Frank, but my next 2 siblings were born when I was 9, then the next when I was 12 and the next when I was 19. I never was close to any of them really except for Frank and I believe it was because we were so close in age. So, if we are going to have another child, I think we should do it before KeKe gets too much older, plus I feel like God is telling me that the time to have another one is now.
My only problem is that we are not financially ready for another child. I know, I know...no one ever is, right? Well, I think my husband could have a more steady income before we get pregnant, so we know we can afford to raise our next child. I know that even if I were to get pregnant really soon, it would still be 9 months before the baby would be born, which is plenty of time for the economy to get in better shape and in return our income could get better...but what if it didn't? I am not a very optimistic person but I try to be more positive over things than I used to be, like if we did end up pregnant, I know that God will help us to support our family. It just really scares me, that's all.
Anyway, my post is more about whether any of you can give me any advice on having and providing for another child. Please pass along any tips, ideas, or anything you feel like sharing on this matter, as long as it's nice. :-)
Monday, September 28, 2009
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6 comments:
I think that the decision to have another child is a very personal one, that should really consist of the opinions of you, your husband, and the Lord, and what anyone else thinks really doesn't matter. I know that I love that my girls will always have each other to be friends with, and I'm looking forward to adding one more baby come february with hope that they'll all be the best of friends in the future. This is just what works for our family, though, and it was the answer we received when we prayed about whether to continue expanding our family.
If you do decide to have a baby, I know from personal experience that (at least here in Utah, I don't know about other states as much) there is much governmental help available, should you end up needing it. They seriously have help for almost everything, from food to housing to utility payments--you just have to figure out how to apply for it, and what the requirements are. I feel like the help is there for a reason, for those who feel like they're trying to do the right thing by having a family, and are trying hard to make it on their own, but just aren't quite making the cut financially.
Good luck, that is a tough decision, and definitely one to be studied and thought out thoroughly. :)
Thanks Jessie! It is a very personal decision for my husband & I. I am really curious how happy couples are with more than 1 child and how much finances will change if/when we add to our family. Our state in NC does offer some help with Medicaid & WIC but you have to make hardly no money to qualify, which makes it hard. We make enough to pay our bills but the Health & Human Services don't really count your bills against your income, which is why we currently pay for our own health ins and it's strains the budget. Thanks though for letting me know how happy you are that your girls will have each other. I want my duaghter to have that!
I feel that as long as you can pay the bills and look after yourselves, then now is the time. Money, or the lack thereof does not stand in the way of being ready to be a mother for a second time. I think it would be different of course, if you had no regular income and were really struggling but since I don't think that is the position you are in, and because you seem like such a happy family, then go for it.
I got pregnant with twins when my little girl was around a year old. It's a long story but to give you the short version, things were not always easy as after going back to work for a year, I'd decided I wanted to be at home. We cut back enormously but you know what, it changed me for the better. I was a designer dress wearing kind of gal, worried about what others might think of me. That changed dramatically.
I have true friends now, a wonderful family and money, although nowhere near as tight, is still used frugally; I learned how to give my kids a lot without too much cost and, in reading your blog, I have absolutely no doubt that you could too.
This, of course, is just my opinion and you need to come to a decision based on factors I do not know of. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best in the world and luck in abundance. x
Thanks Helen. It means a lot to me to hear others stories and to know that everything works out for them so that gives me hope that things will be good for us and to hear that I seem to be in a good direction to continue adding to our family. It's a huge change to become a mother for the 1st time and I guess the unknown of a 2nd child scares me just as much.
I totally hear you on having to pay for your own health ins.--we do too, and it is so stinkin' expensive! However, we're on a "family plan" at least, so we can add up to 4 kids without our rates increasing, so in that way, it hasn't strained our budget any more to have multiple children, other than the maternity coverage. You might look into something like that. Other things to consider financially--obviously the pregnancy/delivery bill, and then diapers, clothing and food. Because we had two girls in a row, again, our budget didn't increase that much--we already had all of the things we needed for a girl, and we potty trained our oldest shortly after having the baby, so the $$ for diapers stayed about the same. Food-wise, we also didn't end up spending any more, because my second didn't want anything to do with store-bought babyfood, so I would just mush up whatever we were eating. It'd be different, though, if you were to use formula, which is much more expensive.
You probably know all of this, so I should just stop talking. :) But I really think, if you feel like this is the time to have another child, you should know that it doesn't have to be that expensive after they get here. There are lots of things you can do to minimize costs (Heather on Want What You Have has tons of ideas). Again, good luck. :)
Thanks again Jessie. I will have to check into the family plan insurance, hadn't really heard of one that allowed up to 4 children without a rate increase. We still have some of her baby things so it would help us if we had another girl, but sadly we got rid of her baby furniture a while back when we thought we only wanted one child (guess we will learn this time to hold onto everything...lol). I love Heather's blog and I have been back over there reading some of her old posts.
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