KeKe has a low fever...

KeKe started having a low grade fever last night around dinner time. Her cheeks were slightly red so that was a good indicator that something was up. Well, she was still acting fine so I didn't make a big deal of it.

Well, around 2am she woke up...WIDE AWAKE...and I immediately felt her forehead and she is still pretty warm. I checked her temperature this time and it is right at 100 degrees. I gave her some children's tylenol and now she is watching Barbie & The Diamond Castle and having me read the Three Little Pigs. I love my baby girl and so that's why I am doing this at...2 AM!

I am tired but she comes first, I just hope she isn't getting sick. I feel like it's my fault when she gets sick b/c she has to go to the sitter's so I can go to work and is around a lot of kids. Unfortunately though, I can't recall any being sick this week...hummm...or anyone else we have been around now that I think about it. We did go out to dinner on Wednesday and then Wal-Mart...but she didn't touch anything at Wal-Mart and I held her most of the time. Not sure what is going on with her body but I hope the tylenol helps fight it off. I REALLY don't want her to be sick.

Now, it's got me thinking about what's been heavily on my mind lately. Guess what it is??? I have this URGE to stay home with her full-time again. She has been acting very badly and been very mouthy and not being real nice. I think it's from the kids at the sitter's (most of them are older than her...ages like 6, 7, 9, & 12). Her daddy thinks the same thing. Her behavior has been UGLY!!! I know that she would not be saying the bad things she says if she had not heard it from the bigger kids and be watching violent video games while she is there. I don't want her in daycare but I can't get my point across that I don't want her around the bigger kids. She isn't even 4 yrs old and knows stuff about boyfriends, guns, hitting people with hammers and I can keep the list going. I have been having a heavy heart lately and feel like I am letting her down by not being there to stop this. I know I cannot protect her from everything but I just want her to be a baby a while longer and not know the things these older kids are watching & doing. I don't think we can afford for me be home with her right now for several reasons. The main reason is my DH's income is not stable and may be decreasing in half soon. It scares me b/c I work part-time and cannot pay all these bills on my own. I mean, after gas and the sitter, there isn't much left and it makes me feel like I am working just for her to go to the sitter and learn BAD behavior. I feel like a failure! I have also been feeling the urge pushing me to be a better wife and mother in a Godly way. We do not belong to a church and do not attend one regularly but that is something that has been on my mind...I think God is speaking to me to tell me something has to change in my life. I need and crave to be a great mother and wife and I feel like I am failing everywhere I turn. My DH and KeKe are my top priority and I am letting them down in every way. And...I am tired! When I say tired...I mean mentally and physically tired. I am exhausted to cook and I feel like I am neglecting to spend real quality time to my DH and KeKe. I feel like God is telling me to stay home and take care of them they way I really should. Not to mention I have been reading blogs lately that talk about homekeeping and how that is what God wanted for women. I feel like I am letting Him down too. I don't know what else to do right now about this but it's draining everything from me b/c I believe God is speaking to me to take care of my family. I pray that I can find the answers and strength to do what is right for my family and please God at the same time. Well, I guess I should get off and try to get KeKe to sleep now that this is off my chest. Maybe I can sleep for a few more hours before it's back to packing. Any advice or tips would be appreciated. Hope everyone has a good weekend just in case I can't back online over the rest of the weekend.