Before I had KeKe, I believed that I would have this polite, well mannered child with no problems. Well, I lived it for 2 years after she was born and then the "terrific two's" came with no warning! Everyday since I have struggled to try to find that happy, perfect little girl who left and brought a smart-mouthed, cranky girl.
I love my girl more than anything and I am loving her sweetness that has somewhat returned since she turned 3 but I stll struggle to find peace. She is like a bundle of dynomite ready to explode any moment! One minute she is playing and happy, then in a split second she becomes demanding and ill. I hope she doesn't have any major issues and I am hoping it's just the "3 yr old thing" going on. I don't really have any other kids to compare her to but her behavior concerns me at times. What happened to my sweet little angel???
Any advice on helping control her behavior, her demands, her "no" to pick up toys, or anything else would be greatly appreciated. I do spend time with her so I don't really feel like it is a cry for attention. Is it all in my head or is it just what 3 yr olds do? Please help my sanity. (at least the weekend was peaceful so I don't snap at her this week...lol)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
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2 comments:
My daughter sounds a lot like yours :-). She's very intense, emotionally, everything is huge and dramatic. She's six, so I've tried just about everything. Behavior charts, lists of rules, strangely enough, worked great with my DD. I'd make a chart and list out things like get dressed, pick up your toys, no temper tantrums until lunch, no temper tantrums until nap, help set the table, etc and check off things as she completed them - she responded really, really well to that. I think she liked the structure. It doesn't work for long, she lost interest in it after a week or so, but it gave her some guidelines on how to behave, if that makes sense. Even now, three years later, we still do a chart every now and again and she loves it. She also asked that I write down a list of "house rules." It seems crazy to me, it's not what I would think of as helpful, but she really enjoyed coming up with rules to follow, like ask for help if you need it, no hitting, clean up your toys, etc.
Another biggie (for me, anyway) was learning how not to engage in the drama with her. Not to fight with her, because when I'd get upset and frustrated, she got worse. I try to stay very calm. We don't do time outs, what I do is try to figure out what the problem is and if there's a solution to it, if she just wants to cry and scream and rage about something (which honestly happens), I ship her to her room to calm down. She's not being punished exactly, but my rule is that she's not allowed to make everyone else unhappy just because she is.
She's fabulous and wonderous and I adore her, but it's a struggle sometimes to find the best way to help her. My best advice (which I repeat to myself like a mantra sometimes when it gets hard) is to stay patient, don't tolerate what you know is bad behavior and make sure she knows that you love her all the time, regardless of what's she's doing.
First, it will pass!
Second, make sure that there isn't a pattern. Does she lose it when she is over tired? When she hasn't eaten/had a snack in a while.
My kids are BASKET CASES when either of those things happen. We take LONG naps and snack ALL day long (healthy snacks of course!!)
And third, if it doesn't have a cause then there needs to be a consequence. Stick her in time out for three minutes (one minute for each year) and then go in and talk to her about why she is there. Do it consistently and hopefully you will see some improvement!
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